I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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