Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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