At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
