We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize