I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
