I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
