Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
