remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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