I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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