You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
