I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
