By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
