My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
