Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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