dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
