Who did Billy Mays play for?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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