eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
