Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
