Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
