So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize