I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
