You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize