it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
