when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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