I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
