I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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