In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
