Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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