Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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