Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
