I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
