I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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