Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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