My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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