I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
