i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
