you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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