i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Less talking, more tequila
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
