I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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