i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
