I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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