Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My dick has a subreddit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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