there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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