I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
