I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
