Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
