I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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