I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
