Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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