So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
