First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
