dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
