His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize