i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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