Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
