I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
two words...techno handjob
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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