i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
smell my finger.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
