I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
These tits shall not be calmed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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