i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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