in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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