I'm lost and stupid without you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
