Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
