If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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