I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
