I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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