Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
