there was a trapeze. enough said
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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