I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
