I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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