Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
