So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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