weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
