I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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