Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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