You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
