I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
