Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
